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COMMENTARY, NEWS, POLITICAL SATIRE Fargo Cop shoots Unarmed Cow, Town Braces for Bovine Riots

Author: Kristy

A resident of Cass County, ND, has warned the People’s Cube of the rising tensions between the local community and the bovine population after a Cass County Sheriff’s Deputy shot and killed an unarmed cow who allegedly attacked him and pushed the uniformed officer to the ground after he produced his credentials and read the Miranda rights.

Cow Dead After Attack on Cass County Sheriff’s Deputy

While the details of the early morning incident in Interstate 94 west of Fargo still remain unclear, a PETA representative has flown from Washington, D.C., with a team of lawyers and forensic experts, demanding an independent autopsy.

The PETA team have met with leaders of the local bovine community, urging them to take urgent action and raise their voice against the signs of increasing police brutality in the seemingly sleepy rural area of North Dakota.

They also spoke to a few passing cows in the streets, interested in their opinions about the character of the slain member of their community and trying to reconstruct the tragic events – a procedure known in professional circles as “herd-sourcing.”

PETA soon posted this hastily produced reenactment of the incident on its website, even though this version of events is not supported by forensic evidence and is disputed by the Sheriff’s office and the family of the deputy, who is still being treated for alleged injuries that have never been life-threatening.

cow_police_brutality.gif

“We sure hope this place will not remain peaceful for much longer, as we are committed to bringing struggle for justice to these parts of America that for too long have avoided scrutiny,” said the PETA spokesperson. “I mean, who shoots an unarmed cow at three in the morning? No justice, no peace!”

While some Cass County residents remain skeptical, others are battening down the hatches in preparation for bovine riots and looting and move to the opposite side of the street at the sight of an approaching cow, no longer trusting the animals with whom the community has lived side by side for so many generations.

Authorities are still trying to track down the surviving family members of the cow, though this hope is sadly fading fast.

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